Almost
by visualsyntax
Summary: Zelda pines for Link after he marries Malon.


Zelda knew her greatest flaw. It had reared its ugly head several times in the short eighteen years she'd been alive. It'd caused her father to scoff at her when she spoke of "when I am queen," and it made the townspeople nudge one another and whisper as she passed. It was not an attractive facet of her personality, but she secretly hoped that she woud never change.

She never knew when to quit. That was her problem. She couldn't leave anything alone.

Or anyone, she thought to herself that night.

He's married, she'd tried to tell herself over and over, but it never worked. In her mind, he was as available to her as ever. He always would be. He was her Hero of Time. He'd openly and willingly given himself to Hyrule, acting as its protector for all his able years.

As she thought of this fact, her mind drifted back to the night she'd given herself to him.

It had not been so long ago, she realized, yet she felt like she had aged many more years than she actually had since that night. She'd been a sixteen-year-old child then, naive and inexperienced and so full of hope that he would love her back. She'd let him have her, not regretting it the next day, nor any day after that. Yes, she loved him. She feared she always would. Giving that piece of herself to him was not a mistake, but it made it even harder for her to move forward with her own life, long after he had.

As the princess and future queen, she'd been obligated to attend his wedding. She'd fought tears all through the ceremony, but she held her head high. She'd worn her most regal gown, a deep purple, made of velvet, trimmed in rich gold, and instead of her usual circlet, she wore a crown. She wanted him to notice her. Had he? She couldn't be sure.

She could never forget the day he'd told her he was engaged. It was burned into her memory.

She'd been in her courtyard, as usual, reading one of the books from the castle's library, but as soon as Link entered the room, he had her attention. She looked up and smiled, but his face was troubled. "Are you okay?" she asked, setting her book down and getting to her feet.

"I'm fine," Link answered, though he did not look fine. Zelda felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. She prayed it was nothing to do with Hyrule. Link seemed to read her expression as soon as the possibility entered her mind. "Hyrule is fine," he said. "At least, as far as I know."

Zelda could not help but smile at this. But it was expected. They had, after all, been friends since they were children. And lovers, she reminded herself, feeling that giddiness she always got in her head when she remembered that night. It had not been so long ago at this point, and thinking about it made her head spin, partly in confusion, mostly in joy.

"What's wrong?" she asked, seeing his still troubled expression. She reached over and laid a hand on his arm.

To her surprise, he brushed it away. He had never done that before, and it made her heart sink. "Zelda..." he began, but he hesitated.

She sat down again, thinking that whatever news he had must be big, if he was having such a hard time getting it out. She almost chuckled. Link, Hyrule's hero, couldn't utter a simple sentence.

"I'm engaged," he blurted suddenly. "I'm getting married."

From that second forward, Zelda could barely breathe. She simply stared at him, not sure what to say or think. But you made love to me, she wanted to say. You slept with me. How can something so magical not be right? Don't we belong together? Question after question leaked into her mind, but she tossed them away. "To who?" she said softly.

"Malon," Link replied in a businesslike manner. "From the ranch."

"Oh," Zelda said breathlessly, avoiding eye contact now. Be an adult, she prodded herself. You can do this. Just be happy for him. "Good for you, Link," she forced herself to say. "I'm very happy for you."

Link raised his eyebrows. "You are?"

Zelda nodded and smiled, getting to her feet once again. "Yes, of course. You're getting married. Yes...it's wonderful. Congratulations, Link. I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse me. I have some things to tend to."

And with that she'd run off to her bedroom, tears filling her eyes even then. She'd forced herself to stay busy after that, trying to forget him. But of course, she couldn't.

Malon looked lovely at the wedding, her long red hair falling elegantly over her shoulders, shining in the sun. They looked happy, Zelda had thought to herself, her spirit sinking even more than it already had.

She should've known, though. She'd seen them in the market, their heads close together, laughing, her hair falling over her face, his hand on her back. Why hadn't she seen it sooner?

While the newylweds were on their honeymoon, Zelda tried to reinvent herself. She wasn't going to be the headstrong young princess Hyrule had known. She was going to be calm, easygoing, predictable, happy. For two whole weeks, she'd practiced what she was going to say when she saw Link again. Nothing ever sounded right, but she tried anyway, hoping to change everything with a few simple words.

Weeks passed, and even after Link returned home, Zelda didn't see him. She passed through the market daily, doing her shopping, trying her best to act casually, but she never saw him, or her. She didn't want to see Malon, she realized. She'd never spoken to the girl, but now it was something she dreaded. What did one say to the woman who stole the man you'd been dreaming about for so many long years?

Then, a few months after his wedding, she saw him in the market.

He was alone, and Zelda was grateful for that. She hesitated at first, but she pushed herself forward, leaving the vegetable stand she'd been at. She approached him cautiously. "Link?" she said tentatively.

He turned, and when he saw her, his eyes lit up, but his expression remained completely neutral. "Zelda," he said. "Nice to see you."

"You too," she replied easily. She couldn't stop herself from smiling when she looked at him, though it was against her better jugdement.

"You look well," he said, gesturing toward her, and she felt a small burst of pride. Her looks had always been one of her greatest assets -- long flaxen hair, eyes the color of the ocean, and smooth, fair skin. Zelda's beauty was talked about all over Hyrule. Too bad it's not enough to win you over, she thought to herself. "Thank you," she said politely. "You do too."

"Thanks." He paused, looking around awkwardly. "How have you been? You look well," he repeated. Zelda almost laughed. He was nervous, she thought gleefully. She was making him nervous. She couldn't recall anything ever making her happier.

"I'm great," she said with a small smile. "How about you? How is your wife? Are you enjoying the married life?"

"Yes, of course," Link said quickly, as though he did not want to linger on the subject of his wife. "Everything's fine."

"You're living at the ranch now?" she inquired.

He nodded. "Yes...it made more sense. My house was so small, and she wanted to be close to her father," Link explained.

"That's nice," Zelda said quietly. The subject of Malon made her so uncomfortable. "I have to go," she said hurriedly, suddenly anxious to be away from him.

"Of course," Link said, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kept you."

Yes, you should've, Zelda thought later, in her room. You should've kept me for as long as you wanted, for I am yours.

Now, Zelda was running off in the middle of the night to see him. She'd heard rumors in town that Link had left the ranch and was living in Kakariko Village, and she wanted to see him for herself. She knew he was still married, but as soon as she'd heard he wasn't living with Malon anymore, her interest in seeing him again, under more normal circumstances, was sparked.

It was very late, but Zelda knew he'd be awake. Tonight was a night of festivals and fun in Kakariko, and the whole kingdom would crowd there, laughing and dancing. By now, the crowd would have thinned, Zelda knew, and she could make her move. She hoped he would not be drunk, as he tended to be when he was upset.

Zelda dressed carefully. She wanted to blend in. She braided her long, pale hair, and wore a black cloak over her gown, putting the hood over her head. Then she tiptoed down the long flight of stairs and out the door.

The walk to Kakariko wasn't far, and she made good time, lost in thought as she walked. She thought of her past with Link. They'd grown up together, as good friends, and she never understood why he always avoided the idea of being with her. Tonight, she was determined to find out why.

Kakariko was mostly quiet when she entered the little village. Small groups of townspeople were scattered throughout, and Zelda could hear their laughter, but Link stood out right away. He was alone, sitting on one of the high walls, a mug of ale in his left hand. His eyes looked full and glassy. He didn't see her, so she moved quickly up the steps and sat down beside him. She removed her hood. "Hello," she said.

He turned, and he looked surprised to see her there. "Hello," he said back. "What brings you here?"

She shrugged her delicate shoulders. "Just wanted to see how you are," she said softly. "I heard some things..."

Link laughed to himself. "And what did you hear?" he asked in a tone she had never heard him use before. He sounded so harsh, so bitter. The Link she had known had loved life, had loved Hyrule. He was different now, she noticed sadly.

She took a deep breath. "That you left Malon," she replied, keeping her tone intentionally emotionless.

He nodded and sighed. "I did," he said, "that's true."

Zelda paused, expecting him to say more, but he didn't. "Why?" she whispered.

He laughed again, looking at her when he did. "What do you mean?" he asked curiously.

She was unsure of how to respond. He was acting strangely, as he always seemed to now. "I just...I didn't know why..."

He narrowed his eyes. They were almost the exact same shade of blue as hers, but for some reason, she found his to be so much more beautiful. "You know, Zelda," he mumbled, shaking his head.

It was the first she had heard him use her name in months, and she brightened a bit. "I do?" she said.

He moved so that he was facing her more directly. "Malon couldn't compete," he said. "But honestly, who could? It's always been you, Zelda. You. In my head, in my dreams. I've always loved you. No one will ever compare to what you are."

Zelda's head swam. "Me?" she said, evidently shocked at what he'd told her.

He reached over and took her hand. "Yes, you." His touch gave her chills. "I love you, Zelda. But I know I can never be with you. You'll go on, and you'll be with someone else, someone worthy of your love and your heart. I know you will. I'm going to spend my entire life not having you. That's how it has to be."

Zelda's eyes brimmed with salty tears. "Why?" she uttered, mid sob.

He kissed her hand. "I am not worthy," he said simply. "You know that. The fact that I married someone else after I made love to you, knowing that you actually loved me too, says that enough. You deserve better."

She shook her head. Her tears were falling steadily now. "I don't want better. I want to be with you," she sobbed.

Link leaned in and kissed her, softly pressing his lips to hers, touching her tear stained cheek. "I love you, Princess Zelda. I always will. But I have to go."

For the first time in her life, Zelda had no questions. She did not fight for the last word. She knew, deep inside of her, that he was right. He needed to move forward, while she would stay there, safe in her Hyrule, where she would eventually be queen. They were incompatible.

As she watched him ride away on his horse, the stars shining in the perfect night sky above them gave him light. Watching him go broke her heart, but at the same time, she was putting it back together.


End file.
